


Under!!! the Ice

by katsubi



Category: Undertale (Video Game), Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Celestino as Gaster, Emil and Michele as Royal Guards, F/F, F/M, Georgi as Muffet, JJ as Papyrus, Lilia as Toriel, M/M, Minako as Gerson, Otabek as Napstablook, Phichit as Sans, Seung Gil as Burgerpants, Viktor as Alphys, Yakov as Asgore, Yuri on ICE characters in Undertale, Yuri!!! on ICE and Undertale, Yurio as Frisk, Yuuri as Undyne, bc why not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-04-16 16:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 16,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsubi/pseuds/katsubi
Summary: It's not like he had anywhere left to go to, now that he ran away from the orphanage, so maybe he'll go to this place where people disappeared to and then justDisappear.





	1. Fall

**Author's Note:**

> tbh this crossover needs to exist but It Doesn't??? which sucks real bad because now you have to sit through my writing lmao get rekt
> 
> Chapters are extremely short at the beginning, but they get longer!
> 
> Character info here!: https://rainbonime.deviantart.com/art/Yuri-on-Ice-x-Undertale-AU-737602600
> 
> Hoot at me on Tumblr!: https://irrelevantidlis.tumblr.com/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Chapters are extremely short at the beginning, but they get longer!)

Mount Ebbot

It isn't a very interesting mountain, in fact it is like any of your old, run down, vegetation covered, glorified rock. It has flora, fauna, insects, birds, rocks, basically everything constituting a mountain. It's not the geography that is the reason for spiked interests, it is the lore behind it.

' _Those who climb Mount Ebbot never return_ '

Though, no one really knows just why people disappear at all. Is it the wilderness plaguing upon those lost souls? Is it the fault of an unknown chasm, causing them to fall to their demise? Is it something more...sinister? Like monsters?

Whatever may be the reason, those people never did return.

Soon, it became a focal point of the town's lore. Mothers would weave vibrantly grim tales of towering monsters taking claim of the lives of those who enter the forbidden range to disassuade children. The mountain, officially, was closed off as a nature park. To the more superstitious elders, it was a blessing. To the adrenaline seeking people, it was an escape like no other.

Yuri paused as he came upon a deer which sprinted away, startled. He had been lost in thought for so long, he didn't realise that he was close to the summit. When he got off at the bus stop with the last of the meagre change that he had stolen from the orphanage he was at, he swore not to think of anything, that including his dead grandfather.

If he thought about nothing, perhaps he'll become nothing too. It's not like he had anywhere left to go to, now that he ran away from the orphanage, so maybe he'll go to this place where people disappeared too and then just

_Disappear._

Slapping himself out of a depressive spiral, he took stock of his surroundings yet again. He was in the wilderness? Check. With nothing on him save for the clothes on his back? (Leopard print jacket being the only thing he valued) Check. With no place to go? Triple check. Is there a hole in the ground in front of him? Chec- wait.

There was a hole in the ground, a crater? He was weirdly, enough, drawn to it.

Yurio would call it insanity, moving towards this obviously hazardous location, but...something was calling to him. Whatever may be the case, he had to get to the bottom of this, literally even.

Pushing himself through the vines, he looked into the hole. Seeing nothing, he stepped further. Was there something shining down there? Wait! He's slipping!!

he tripped and he's falling fallingfalling _fallingintotheholeandhe'sstillfallingandhecloseshiseyesanditsallblack_

* * *

  _Colours. Grey, white, maroon. An old film, snow, ballet slippers. An old man walking. Talking. A cat doll. White sheets. Flowing. Cold. Withered leaves. Flowers._

* * *

When he came to, he was sprawled over a bed of golden flowers on the cool floor of the cavern he had fallen in. Golden, as in, shining discomfortingly bright. So this was the shining light he had seen from up above. It reminded him of sunshine. Will he ever see sunshine again?

It's not like there was much Sun in St. Petersburg in the first place. America just is that infuriatingly bright to make you miss something that you weren't even used to.

Seeing that there was not much of a point crushing flowers with his body weight, Yuri stumbled back up, stabilizing himself to the surprisingly spacious space underground. Honestly, he expected certain death by falling from that fall.

Looking around, he nearly fell back over, risking the death of several more plants, buttercups.

There was a door.

A pathway out? There weren't any other places to go, and as much as he tried to muster the rage and anger needed to fuel him to climb back up, he couldn't. It was a long way up and he wasn't able to do a lot of things lately.

Seeing no other feasible option, Yuri dusted himself and walked to the door with trepidation. There was a hallway...? Leading to yet another door. Right. It's better than encountering monsters.

Upon entering the next door, he came upon a flower. A golden flower and.  _And it is talking?!_

Forget what he just said, this is an actual, talking flower. What is it saying?

"Howdy! I'm Flowey, the flower!"

Yuri thinks that getting out might take a while.


	2. Trust Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It felt like there were many more things to be accomplished and that he can't die here.

**"DIE"**

 

Okay, so...

1\. these things are Definitely not "Friendliness Pellets". Yuri had dodged the first few because he Did Not Trust That Thing. It slipped up and called them "bullets" so he was not taking any more chances. And now he's surrounded by them.

2\. Is he going to die? Are his last thoughts going to be cursing the flower, and his decision to get down here? Is he going to meet his grandpa?

It felt like there were many more things to be accomplished and that he can't die here. But...

The bullets made contact with him and...Nothing happened? He felt a surge of energy coursing through his very being... SOUL? A fireball appeared from his right and slammed into the flower, flinging it away like a weed. Yuri grimaced, before turning and seeing-

"What a graceless creature, troubling a youth! Oh, don't worry, young one. I'm Lilia, caretaker of the Ruins. I pass by daily to check if any humans fells down here."

Is that a towering, serious looking goat monster lady or are his eyes deceiving him?

"Child, are you startled by the encounter or something? Why aren't you responding?"

"No...nothing". Yuri managed. Maybe he had breathed in something to make him see crazy things, like one of the grown ups at the orphanages. 'Weed'? Was it called that? Why else would he see a talking flower and a goat monster lady? Maybe he should play along till the effect wears off, or till he wakes up from whatever nightmare he's in.

"If you say so. Again, my name is Lilia. I am the Caretaker of the Ruins, and I extend a warm welcome to you, child. Make yourself at home. I can answer any questions you might have on the way."

Yurio really wanted to ask what she just did, and why she have a bun of fur? Hair? Behind her head and, why she doesn't wear shoes and why she stands so prim and proper like a rich lady and- okay, he might have alot of questions. But Lilia looked stern and not to be messed with so he just nodded. Best to play along to get what he wants, a way out of this predicament.

* * *

 Yuri woke up in a comfortable, warm place. He didn't feel the need to get up or go anywhere. The weight of the blanket was comforting and the room was dark. There was a pleasant smell of something sweet. Where was he, though?

Oh right. "Home."

Lilia told him that monsters live underground as humans sealed them there. She mentioned that entering a battle meant passing time till she came to resolve the issue. It... didn't involve cool sword waving, which really sucked. But a frog like monster, a froggit (which is what the voice in his head introduced the frog thing as, it had been chattering ever since he fell down here. He is kind of spooked by it, but he dare not say anything in the negative to it) told him that he should use mercy so he's been sparing them left and right...even if his methods were unconventional, involving beating them up until they ask for mercy but...He didn't fancy getting cornered anyway, so they'll just have to make do with his violence!

What he found was that monsters are especially happy to escape conflict, readily leaving packets of gold as they flee. If only he had fallen down here earlier and made a profession out of sparing monsters, grandpa and he could've been very rich in no time!

Lilia had also walked him through a couple puzzles, hell, even held his hand through one, like he was some small, dumb kid. He didn't like that he was just that to her. So, to prove himself, he sneaked out just after Lilia left, specifically telling him not to do so. The scolding he got when she found out was worth it. Hey, atleast she didn't raise a hand against him which was much better than what the caretakers at his orphanage...no, _the_ orphanage used to do.

He also encountered a super cool DJ ghost named Otabek! He didn't talk much at all but kept sending thumbs ups as signs of approval, even if they were excessive and hurt him as much as normal bullets. Wasn't he supposed to phase through the attacks, them being a ghost and all? Whatever. He'd love to meet him again.

Yuri shuffled out of bed, his new, striped clothes a bit crumpled already. Lilia had wrinkled her nose at his rags and threw them away, sans his leopard print jacket of course. He wouldn't have that being thrown away!

There was a slightly charred slice of pie on the floor. Lilia had left it cooking and had forgotten due to her scolding him. Something told him that the expression on her face was quite rare. But...

What bothered him was that Lillia treated this like a permanent arrangement. She did know that he wanted to get out of here right? He appreciated the sentiment.

The voice told him that he should be moving forward. He agreed.

Cramming the pie into his pockets (they didn't stain his pants? That is convenient. The voice nodded. He needed a name for it.) he made for the living room. He had to ask Lilia how to get out.


	3. Heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are just like the others, disobeying what I think is best for you. Prove to me that you are strong enough to survive, and then alone will I let you get out of here. "

"Oh! You have woken up. Did you sleep well?" Lilia looked up from the book she was reading, illuminated by the fireplace she was sitting next to. Yuri nodded, and ambled towards her.  He was determined to find his way out.

 

"If you want more pie, I'm afraid you might have to wait until after dinner. I don't wish to spoil your appetite- hm? What is it, child?"

"How do I get out of here?"

Lilia's expression wavered just a little. Ignoring what he said, she went on.

"Do you want to hear about the book I am reading? It is called, "72 Uses for Snails.""

Sounds disgusting. Yuri feels a little relieved that she didn't bake that 'snail pie'.

"No, I want to know how to get out of the Ruins."

"... I have to attend to something important. Do not go anywhere."

Lilia got up from her seat and walked out of the room with surprising agility. Yuri barely made it out of the room behind her when he caught a glimpse of her horns descending down the stairs to what seemed like the basement. Swiftly, he bounded down the stairs as well. Whatever Lilia said about not following her, he's not going to listen!

When he reached the basement, he could hear Lilia calling out from wherever she was.

"You wish to know how to return to the surface, do you not? Ahead of us lies the end of the Ruins, one-way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it so that no one can ever leave."

_**No!** She can't do that!_ Yuri ran after her as fast as he could. _If she destroys the exit, he will be stuck here forever, right?!_

When he finally reached Lilia, she was standing before a looming gate. Turning towards him, expression solemn and detached, she said, "You are just like the others, disobeying what I think is best for you. Prove to me that you are strong enough to survive, and then alone will I let you get out of here. "

Is she testing him now? Finally, she won't see him as a weakling! Yuri Plisetsky will show her how strong he is!

Lilia looked away, engaging the battle. The world turned monochrome and Yuri's soul popped out of his chest. Being used to the tugging sensation due to multiple monster encounters, he didn't even flinch. 

The goat monster flung fireballs at his soul, prompting Yuri to jump out of the way. A few hit him, grazing off a little of his health. He checked Lilia's stats. Surprisingly, they are incredibly high. Is she holding back even now?

"Every human that falls down here meets the same fate." Lilia is murmuring under her breath, as if ashamed of her failures. 

"What fate?"

"They come. They leave. They die." _Oh. Well, that was...._

"You naive child, if you leave the Ruins, They...especially Yakov, will kill you. I am only protecting you, do you understand? Go to your room."

"I'll escape from whoever this Yakov dude is! Just let me go!" Yuri shouted, dodging more fireballs and sparing Lilia during his turns. He was tempted to Fight her just to prove himself but....no.

"You are nothing but a child. You will face indescribable hardships. Please, just go back."

Talking didn't seem to do much.

"Why do you need to go out there? You have everything here. There is no need to endanger yourself."

He didn't want to hit the one parental figure he had left. So...spare it is.

"Stupid child, you're just like the others, running face first into danger with not a thought about this old lady."

More dodging. More getting hit. Yuri's health is pretty low at this point.

"It can be like normal, I'll take good care of you" Lilia's lips curled up in a sad smile. She didn't send any more fireballs.

Yuri didn't concede, he had to get out. Something is telling him to. Please.

"Please, child." She looks ruffled.

"I'm sorry, mo-"

"No no, it's alright. The Ruins are incredibly small and it won't be right for you to grow up here" Finally! He wasn't planning on growing up here! The battle ended and Lilia stepped closer to him.

"You are stronger than I thought. Listen to me, my boy. If you go beyond this door, keep walking. Eventually you will reach an exit. From there you will gain access to the rest of the underground. But at any cost, do not let Yakov take your soul. His plan cannot be allowed to succeed. Be good, won't you?"

She kneeled down and while she didn't hug him, she wiped tears from his eyes, tears he didn't know he was shedding. She sniffed a little too.

"This might be our last meeting. When you go out, can you do me a favour? Please don't attempt to come back. I don't think I would be able to let you go again. Please, don't ever give up hope, my child." She smiled. Yuri gave a watery smile himself. 

She got up, said Goodbye, and walked back to her home. He was...kinda upset that it had to be like this. Dealing with the loss of loved ones was always hard for him, and he just basically lost his adoptive parent. Is this really the right thing to do? He didn't know. These types of decisions are hard to take.

But by then, he was already pushing the door open. There is no turning back.


	4. Spooky Scary Skeletons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was snow everywhere.

 "Clever, huh? You managed to play by your rules and didn't kill anyone. But in this world, it's **kill or be killed**. What will happen when- hey! Hold up!!"

Yuri ignored Flowey. He knew by now that that smiling trashbag thing was bad news. He didn't need to stick and listen to that, now that Lilia isn't around to save him. He opened the entrance, ignoring Flowey's screams to wait for him and shut the door behind him with satisfaction at the fact that the flower's voice doesn't carry behind the door. He took a moment to look at his surroundings.

While the Ruins had shades of yellow and purple in its worn down, regal structure, the landscape stretching in front of him could only be described as Winter's cradle. There was snow everywhere.

Walking along the trees seemed to be the only option for now.

Yuri was glad he wore his (leopard print. It has to be mentioned) jacket. Even though he was Russian, and had been living in America for a while, the chill got to him quite effectively.

"Darn..." this is cold! How will he navigate this place? He had to, somehow. He was determined to see the end of this journey.

_SNAP!_

What was that?! Yuri snapped his head back toward the source of the sound. The huge stick he had jumped over had been effortlessly smashed by...something. His hair stood up on the back of his neck. Oh man, this is creepy as hell...there were no footsteps behind him either! _So how..?!_

He picked up pace, nearly sprinting on the path when he nearly slammed into a gate like structure on a bridge. Something, no,   someone's hand tapped his shoulder. He squeaked. Flowey doesn't have hands, right?

**" h u m a n "**

What?! He didn't know he'd run into trouble this fast!

**" d o n ' t  y o u  k n o w  h o w  t o  g r e e t  a  n e w  f r i e n d ? "**

Yuri didn't have many friends at all. Those who tried to were warded off by his anger. Those are the downsides of being poor...

...and being angry all the time.

**" t u r n  a r o u n d  a n d  s h a k e  m y  h a n d."**

Yuri turned around and took the person's, really bony? hand.

A farting sound ripped through the silence.

What.

"heh! it's always the old whoopie cushion in the hand trick. works on everyone, even yuuri! Oh, hey sup kid, name's phichit, nice to meet ya! we should take a selfie to commemorate this occasion!"

What.

A skeleton in a fashionable getup and a black bowlcut wig waved a phone in front of his face, nearly taking out his nose. There was a flashing light, a camera which did take out his eyes for a few moments.

_W h a t ._

This is going to take much longer than Yuri expected.

* * *

 "annnnnd saved! hey kid! so to clear things up, i don't hunt humans at all. in fact i'd rather we be friends! shake my hand, there's no more whoopie cushions now, i swear on the last echo flower"

Yuri hesitantly took his hand, glad to not that there were no more fart noises.

"my brother though? jj's an absolute human hunting machine! he's harmless though, but you might want to make your way out." Appreciating the tip, Yuri made to move forward but was stopped by this Phichit dude.

"actually... he's been looking down lately, maybe seeing a human will cheer him up? yeah, this could work! pass through that gate, there will be a lamp shaped conveniently like you. duck behind it, i'll give you the signal to get out."

"Yeah sure? Whatever."

Could Yuri decline? He didn't want to get into this but... that dude was scary back there, he didn't want to get a heart attack.

Sure enough, there was a lamp shaped just like him. But how? Ignoring the cogs turning in his head, he stood behind the lamp and waited. A few minutes later, he could hear voices.

"sup, bro?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S "SUP," PHI! IT'S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T RE-CALIBRATED YOUR PUZZLES! YOU JUST HANG AROUND OUTSIDE YOUR STATION, TAKING SELFIES WITH EVERY BIT OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!?"

This must be Phichit's brother. He's definitely not the brooding, silent killer type he expected. 

"thinking of taking a picture of this lamp. it's really cool. do you wanna look?"

Traitor! He should never have trusted that skeleton! He is effectively cornered too! Maybe if he takes a chance and makes a run for it? _No wait..._

"NO!! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE!?! I WANT TO BE READY! I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN! THEN, I, THE GREAT JJ, COINER OF THE FAMOUS JJ STYLE... WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE! RESPECT, RECOGNITION, I WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD! PEOPLE WILL ASK,TO BE MY FRIEND! I WILL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES EVERY MORNING."

Yuri gagged. He wouldn't want to be friends with this egotistical douche any time soon.

"i think.... maybe this lamp will help you with that, jean!"

"PHI! YOU ARE NOT HELPING!! YOU LAZYBONES!! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AND BOONDOGGLE!! YOU GET LAZIER AND LAZIER EVERY DAY!!!"

"hey! take it easy. i've gotten a ton of work done today. a skele- **ton**."

Yuri could almost here the satisfying _baa-dum-tiss_ accompanying that terrible pun.

"PHI!! NOT THE HORRIBLE PUNS OF YOURS!!"

"come on bro, you're smilin' and you know it"

"I AM AND I HATE IT. WHY MUST SOMEONE AS GREAT AS I HAVE TO WORK SO HARD TO GET SOME RECOGNITION???"

"wow, you're really working yourself down to the  **bone**  eh?"

"UGH!!! I WILL FIX UP MY PUZZLES. AS FOR YOUR WORK, PHICHIT? PUT A LITTLE MORE, **BACKBONE**  INTO IT! NYEHEHEHE! "

A pause. Yuri hopes this is over. His legs are aching standing in the same spot in the cold-

"HEH!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phichit, like Sans, speaks in lowercase letters.
> 
> JJ, like Papyrus, speaks in uppercase letters


	5. Tiring of the Subtle Nuances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was he being too harsh on JJ? If he thinks of Yurio's leopard print as cool, because face it, leopard print is cool, he can't be as terrible a person as he thought he was.

If Yuri is honest to himself, he is feeling quite done with all of JJ's shenanigans.

 The first thing his presence was made known, that skeleton in ridiculous Canadian themed garb killed his ears with all his screaming about how he was gonna be "SO POPULAR!!" The next time he met him, he kept bombarding him with ridiculous puzzles after ridiculous puzzles. Only he wasn't sure if puzzles risked death by electrocution, getting eaten by piranhas, eating spaghetti coated with maple syrup (seriously, what in the name of hell was that combination?! He wouldn't come up with it and he was a thirteen year old kid!), drowning, and burning. Perhaps it is a monster thing. But then JJ just let him go? What the hell? Wasn't it his job to capture him? 

Needless to say, Yuri wasn't feeling too impressed. Even petting the Nishigori dogs wasn't enough to lift his mood. Though seeing a friendly town like Snowdin in this hell hole brought up his spirits a little. Just a little.

Using the gold he "earned", or rather, gathered up from going on a large monster sparing spree, Yuri bought himself some Biscicles,  Cinnamon Buns and a Nice cream ("love yourself! I love you!" he wasn't sure if he needed that). He wondered if he could do magic himself, since none of the items ever got smushed in his pockets. The voice sighed at that.

He used the remaining money to buy himself a room at the inn. The beds were extremely comfortable and he found his senses fading away...

* * *

 

"You look like you had a good rest!" Yuri did, he feels much better already, now that there aren't any loud skeletons around him.

"....which is surprising considering you have been up there for only two minutes, please take your money back, pay when you are thinking of a night's stay!"

"What?" He had been asleep for only two minutes? Then how did he feel so much better? Does time flow differently for monsters?

"Would you rather we keep the money?" The innkeeper was confused.

"No no _no_! I want my gold back!"

"Alright then! We hope you visit us soon!" The kid practically ran out of the inn, 

"YO! What's the big deal?!"

...and into someone.

Both of them ended up on the damp snow, and it was only after being helped up by the passers by, that Yuri saw the armless dinosaur-like monster he slammed unceremoniously into.

"Uh...sorry I guess." While he wasn't one for apologies, Yuri thought it best to stay on the monsters' good side. That, and it was his fault. 

"Yooo, that's no problem! Accidents happen to us kids, and I know you're a kid 'cause you're wearing striped clothing!" the kid ran off to the Library- no, _Librarby._

So he was a kid, because of the striped shirt Lilia gave him? That didn't sit well with Yuri, hating when he was called a kid, but it is probably beneficial here. Monsters seem to identify kids with striped clothing.

After exploring the town for a while, he decided to make a move out of here. He was determined to continue his journey.

Only to come face to face with JJ.

"HUMAN, ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT SOME COMPLEX FEELIINGS..."

Oh god, why?

"FEELINGS LIKE, THE JOY OF FINDING ANOTHER MAPLE AND PASTA LOVER"

He wasn't privy to pasta or maple but he wouldn't consider himself as a lover. He told as much, but JJ didn't seem to be listening.

"THE ADMIRATION FOR ANOTHER PERSON'S PUZZLE LOVING SKILLS, THE DESIRE TO HAVE A COOL, SMART PERSON THINK YOU'RE COOL. THESE FEELINGS..."

Was he being too harsh on JJ? If he thinks of Yurio's leopard print as cool, because face it, leopard print is cool, he can't be as terrible a person as he thought he was.

"...THEY MUST BE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING RIGHT NOW!"

Oh, screw whatever he thought about JJ being a good person! He is even more of an egotisitical douche than he thought!

"I DON'T EVER WONDER WHAT HAVING MANY FRIENDS FEELs LIKE! NOT AT ALL!! I PITY YOU, LONELY KITTEN!"

The nerve...! 

"WORRY NOT BECAUSE I, THE GREAT JEAN JACQUES, AM WILLING TO BECOME YOUR..."

Friend? Yuri will decline that one, thanks for nothing.

"...NO...THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO! I SIMPLY CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND! I MUST CAPTURE YOU SO THAT I CAN FULFILL MY DREAMS! OF BEING! PART! OF THE! ROYAL GUARD!"

The world turned a familiar monochrome, signifying the start of a battle.

JJ threw bones that were incredibly easy to dodge, considering that they were rooted to the ground and Yuri just had to keep standing so that his SOUL didn't make contact with the 'bone zone'

Yuri snorted just a little

As soon as Yuri could, he made to insult the hell out of JJ. 

"AH! YOU'RE BEING AN EMOTIONAL CACTUS RIGHT NOW! HIDING YOUR AFFECTION BEHIND VERBAL BARBS! THAT IS HOW IT IS TO YOU!"

Yuri gagged. It'll be the last thing on Earth he does.

Well...technically he is not ON the surface so...It still holds true!! Hell if he ever tries to hold affection for the likes of this idiot!

Talking to JJ didn't do much, so he spared during his turn, he did hate him, but not to the extent that he'll commit murder. God knows what will happen if Phichit comes home to his brother's cooling corpse.

"LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE ABLE TO DODGE MY SPECIAL BLUE ATTACK!"

The next volley of bones JJ sent were all blue so all Yuri had to do was to stand still. That's all he got, huh?

Suddenly, his whole body felt like it was being pushed to the ground. His SOUL turned blue and fell from where it was hovering close to his chest down into the snow.

_What the absolute hell?_

"YOU'RE BLUE NOW! THAT'S MY ATTACK! NYEHHEHEHEH!"

Yuri was dumbfounded. This battle just got tougher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'God knows what will happen if Phichit comes home to his brother's cooling corpse.'
> 
> Yurio doesn't know that monsters turned to dust on being killed, hence he assumes they'll remain as corpses. Just wanted to clarify!


	6. Bonetrousle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So it's a gamble between a dangerous, human hunting monster and an absolute goofball matching JJ

"I WONDER WHAT CLOTHES I MUST WEAR FOR OUR HANGOUT! I IMAGINE IT MUST BE TERRIBLE TO WANT BE BE FRIENDS TO SOMEONE AS GREAT AS I WITH NO GUARANTEE OF ME NEEDING TO BEFRIEND YOU, BUT WORRY NOT! I WILL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO HELP YOU BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF!"

 

Yuri wanted to assure that no, he _definitely_ wasn't felling anything of that sort, but he was too busy sparing and dodging bones after bones. 

"OH, BUT, DON'T MAKE ME USE MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"

There are more attacks?! What is he made of? Calcium? Steel? Nah, he's a skeleton

"IMAGINE, NO, _SEE_ THE FUTURE WHERE I BECOME A ROYAL GUARD! YUURI WILL BE SO PROUD!!"

It smells like bones, was the only remark from the Voice. Sure, since well, he's at risk of getting impaled by them.

"OH, TO THINK OF THE ADMIRERS I'LL HAVE!! THE MANY FRIENDS I MAKE!!" BUT...WILL ANYONE LIKE ME AS SINCERELY AS YOU?"

Yuri didn't like JJ in the first place. Okay, maybe he's a little cool, but he definitely doesn't like him- oh god the gap between the bones is dwindling.

"JUST GIVE UP OR FACE MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"

Just what special attack is he rattling on about? Is he going to turn him orange next?

"BEHOLD! MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"

A fluffy brown poodle ran away with a bone in its mouth.

"HEY! COME BACK WITH MY SPECIAL ATTACK YOU STUPID DOG!! OH WELL I'LL JUST USE A REGULAR ATTACK! HERE IT COMES."

There was more dodging bones spelling 'cool dude' and _GOOD LORD_ that was a huge bone. That was the end of it?! Yuri simply couldn't avoid the last bone, so he hoped so.

"HUFF! IT'S CLEAR THAT YOU CAN'T DEFEAT ME! I CAN SEE YOU NEARLY FALLING OVER! THEREFORE I, THE GREAT JEAN JACQUES, ELECT TO LET YOU GO! NOW'S THE CHANCE TO ACCEPT MY MERCY!"

Finally! That was a tough battle, as reluctant as Yuri is to admit it. The world returned to normal and the fog disappeared. Yurio has a feeling it was conjured by JJ for a more dramatic scene.

"NGHH! I CAN'T EVEN STOP SOMEONE AS WEAK AS YOU! YUURI IS GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED IN ME."

"Why am I disappointed in you?"

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

"My name is Yuri, dude."

"OH. WELL, THE YUURI I'M TALKING ABOUT, HE IS DIFFERENT! HE IS THE HEAD OF THE ROYAL GUARD AND MY BEST FRIEND!"

"Oh, okay then." So it's a gamble between a dangerous, human hunting monster and an absolute goofball matching JJ

"ANYWAY, I HEREBY GRANT YOU PERMISSION TO GO THROUGH, HUMAN! CONTINUE FORWARD TILL YOU REACH THE END OF THE CAVERN, AND WHEN YOU REACH THE BARRIER AT THE CAPITAL, CROSS IT! TALK TO THE **KING OF ALL MONSTERS! HE IS**...WELL, HE IS AN ABSOLUTE FUZZBALL! EVEN IF HE IS A BOT OF A 'SOONDEERE', I'M SURE HE'LL LET YOU PASS THROUGH THE BARRIER IF YOU ASK HIM! LET US HOPE THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP GROWS BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS!"

Being caught up in that info dump, Yuri didn't realize that JJ had christened him as his friend, so he didn't scream his disapproval at that. He just murmured a "Thanks..." and went forward on his journey.

* * *

 So it was kind of obvious he'd run into Phichit, but he didn't expect to see the armless kid from before, and it seems like he even remembered him.

"Yo! You're the kid who ran into me at Snowdin! Are you sneaking out to see him too?"

"....Who?"

"Yuuri-senpai of course! He is so cool with his spears, I wanna grow up to be like him!! Also...don't tell my parents I am sneaking out!"

Okay then....? Yuri never really got along with hyperactive kids, so this was a tizzy to process. He slowly walked up to Phichit's stand.

"oh hey! didn't fancy seeing you here, and yep. before you ask, i'm on multiple jobs, if only for the multiple legally required breaks. say, wanna come to bin's? i'm going there."

Something told Yuri that going with that would be useful- it's the voice, isn't it? "Sure"

"sweet, i'll let you pry me away from my work." Phichit got up and went the opposite way to Snowdin. "follow me, i know a shortcut." He held his hand, what, and-

And they were at Bin's like they have always been there. Like teleportation.

"sup, everyone!" everyone responded with variations of 'Hi Phichit', even the drunk rabbit monster. Yuri hopped onto the seat

A weak fart sound resonated from the seat, Yuri cringed. What's with Phichit and whoopie cushions??

"whoops, watch where you sit down, sometimes weirdos put whoopie cushions on the seats."

"So it was not you?" Yuri didn't quite believe that.

"nope, kid" He had the feeling Phichit was lying, but didn't press on. 

"sooo...what do you think of my brother?"

"He's loud, and obnoxious and he always jumps to conclusions, and he thinks the world revolves around him and I don't like that-"

"sounds accurate, except you forget the fact that my brother is really cool!" Phichit was grinning. "you know someone is cool when they cook their spaghetti with maple syrup. but ya gotta agree that he tries real hard, like getting into the royal guard. one day he went to the house of the head of the royal guard and begged to get in it. of course he shut the door on him 'cause it was three am. but the next day, he saw that jean was still there, and so he decided to give him a second chance, and has begun to train him."

"What is the point of that story?"

"just wanted to show that he was really dedicated to what he did" Phichit shrugged. Then he leaned in

"say...i wanted to ask you somethin'"

Suddenly, it felt like the din of their surroundings went fuzzy, almost as if the spotlight was on them. Yuri gulped.

 

"have you ever heard of a talking flower?"


	7. Waterfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a knight like figure on the other side of the grass.

"....Yes."

Phichit turned back to what he was holding in his hand, his phone

"so you know all about it, huh? the echo flower. they're all over the marsh. say something to them, and they'll repeat it over and over. pretty neat, huh?" Yuri let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding. That didn't sound like Flowey. Flowey had a mind of its own and said what it wanted.

"...well, jean told me something interesting the other day. seems like a flower appears to him and talks to him when no one is around. it whispers advice, encouragements, praises....predictions...seems like someone is using echo flowers to play a prank on him." 

Phichit got off his seat. 

"keep an eye out, ok? thanks. oh, by the way i'm flat broke, could you foot the bill? it's only 10000 gold." 

" _No way_!"

"just kidding. cao, put that on my tab. see you around, kid!"

Yuri sat there for a while, and soon left. This was something to think about.

* * *

 Soon, he was staring at an old tutu. 

The echo flower told him that there was something behind the waterfall. There was a secret room, sure, but there was nothing sans a tutu? Seriously? Okay fine, he's wearing that. He went through a lot of dodging of falling rocks for this, so he might as well just wear it. 

Emerging drenched from the waterfall, he went through a thicket on the path and paused.

There was a knight like figure on the other side of the grass. 

With glistening metal, sharp shadows and a mask obscuring their face, they looked terrifying. Yuri could hear JJ shouting from nearby. Was it his imagination- no, there he is. 

"H-HEY YUURI, I HAVE GOTTEN THE REPORT ABOUT THE HUMAN HERE." 

The knight looked at him. _This_ was Yuuri?

"UHH....I FOUGHT THEM VALIANTLY, UNFORTUNATELY I WAS UNABLE TO CAPTURE THE HUMAN. I-I TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD BUT, I FAILED."

An unspoken conversation happened between Yuuri and JJ. JJ's face fell a bit. 

"W-WHAT?? YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THE HUMAN SOUL YOURSELF? BUT YUURI! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT!! THE KID IS VERY MERCIFUL!! YOU SEE....Y-YOU SEE...."

Yuuri seemed to glare at JJ. Damn...he's straight up terrifying.

"...I UNDERSTAND." 

After JJ left, Yuuri's visor tilted in his direction, as if he just noticed him. His breath caught up in his throat and his stomach dropped as he saw him conjuring a magic spear in his hand.

Does he have to fight him now?!

He stood still, poised to throw the spear in Yuri's direction, then he stepped backwards into the shadows. Yuri was sweating bullets at this point. He didn't move a muscle till he was absolutely sure that Yuuri was gone. 

Getting out of the grass, he nearly stumbled into someone.

"YOOOOOOO Did you see the way he was staring at you?! Yuuri-senpai was looking straight at us!! It was _so_ cool!!"

The same monster kid?! Seriously, this is the third time he's run into this person, the odds are incredibly skewed here seeing that he was in a thicket of all things.

"What are you doing here?" He hissed, the kid shrunk back a little.

"The same thing, sneaking out to find Yuuri-senpai!!! But seriously, that look was amazingly good! I wish I had a camera right then, and even then, I don't have arms to hold it, haha" The kid tried to scratch the back of his head, but he realised that he didn't have arms.

"But anyway, you are sneaking out to see him too, right?! I'll have to move forward, yo, but I think I'll see you there! My name's Minami by the way!!" He dashed, slamming face first into the ground before getting up, somehow with the glaring lack of arms to push himself up and ran off. Seemed to be clumsy too. 

Yuri shrugged off the barrage of sentences and continued on his way, making sure to check behind him with the warning in mind that the head of the royal guard is hunting his ass down. 

He is _determined_ to be careful.


	8. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was nice to feel something famiiar for once
> 
> Fear

There are a bunch of umbrellas here. Take one? Hell yes. Yuri put it on the statue in the last room, shielding it from the raindrops...or waterfall drops? Baby waterfall? _Whatever_

Yuri had noticed a piano on the way here and there's a wet statue. There's gotta be a coincidence, and if he doesn't get something out of the hour he spent banging his hands on the piano, he will find another way or, well, explode. The voice in his head had better be right about this one!

His efforts were rewarded when he heard a tune from a music box inside the statue. He's just gotta backtrack and get that treasure!

Running back, he played the tune on the piano, succeeding after a few more tries. He ran into the northern room, and there it was! It looked like a legendary artifact!

But when he tried to put it into his pockets, he found his pants...wiggling...? There is something alive inside his pockets?? He thrust his hands in and closed them in on a fluffy, furry...thing.

"GAAAH! GET OUT!!" He screamed as he pulled the thing out, spooked. The thing, the brown poodle from before, landed on the artifact and bounded off.

The artifact was gone.

_SERIOUSLY?!_

* * *

 Perhaps, it would do him well if he sought out the shop hidden among the glistening streams of water, cascading down into the rocks.

He was made known of it when a particularly despicable monster passing by worded his unsatisfactory opinions about the 'junk Minako peddled' to anyone who bothered to listen, which by proxy included Yuri himself. Feeling his interest getting piqued, he decided to give said location a shot, luckily running into it, a cave by the looks of it, while on the path he trusted best in. The inhabitant, a tipsy looking turtle monster, brightened when he barged in.

"Aha! What do you want, kiddo?"

* * *

Buying a few packets of sea tea, Yuri decided to ask the turtle monster if she knew anything about the Royal Guard.

"Of course I do! I used to be the head, after all, back in the times of the War that is! Yuuri used to follow me aroun' everywhere like a lil' duckling. He used to be a lil' ruffian, that one, worshipping my ways. Those days are more distant than I like them to be..." she trailed off. So there wasn't much from this lady. Yuri bid his leave and proceeded to leave the cave that was her shop.

"Oh! And by the way, my name's Minako, kid! All that 'miss' business makes me sound like an old fart! Ha!"

* * *

The trail, apart from random monster encounters and crystals that he had to kick to illuminate the path ahead, wasn't very interesting. It smelled like underwater barnyards, even though he didn't know what a normal one smelled like. Very soon, he came upon a bridge. It was a long way down to the rock infested, rushing currents of water and Yuri wasn't interested in taking a wrong step to his demise. There was an unexpected smell of magic. 

Suddenly, it impressed upon him that his steps were being surrounded by growing circles of magic.

Out of the circles came- spears?! Some of the unwelcome edges nearly impaled him and with dawning horror, he noticed the presence of black armour- Yuuri!

Bursting into a full fledged sprint, he noticed spear after spear ramming up from the ground behind him. The clanging of metal made him realise that Yuuri was pursuing him, hunting him down. Tension was in the air. He had to run faster, but his legs were tiring out!

* * *

 

After what seemed like an eternity, the spears stopped. The flowing water was the only- CLANG

Yuuri was here. Oh fuck.

He couldn't move his legs. He is going to get his ass kicked, isn't he?! He didn't want to die! 

But then Yuuri slashed the ground, no, the bridge and

 

He was falling


	9. ANGER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I KNOW that smirk!! I've seen it on Chris EVERY DAMN DAY! You're not going to listen, are you?!"

_It sounds like it came from over here...oh! You've fallen down, haven't you? Are you okay?_

_Here, get up...Hikaru, huh? that's a nice name! My name is-_

* * *

 

Yuri woke up on a bed of golden flowers.

It reeked of garbage. Garbage everywhere. Like a abandoned, damp, dingy dump.

He was in a flooded garbage dump. The "rocks" he observed from the bridges were actually piles of garbage, just garbage. There are a few brands he recognizes.

It sucks to be where he is now, but hey, being soaked and stinky beats being dead, guess he's determined seeing the piles of garbage being fed by more and more garbage.Touching a glowing orb by accident (it didn't hurt him, he's used to seeing these around, especially when he's determined. It's probably just another monster thing...) he looked into the next room and then at the water.

Yuri Plisetsky is a lot like his favorite animal. Cats don't like water and neither does he, garbage water is an especial no no

But he had to find a way out. Which meant waddling in the sewer water. _Eeuughhh_

Plugging his nose, he walked, or rather swam into the next room. There were more piles of  garbage, a training dummy, a bike, a cooler, nothing much to explore at all, not that he wanted to. He honestly wanted to leave the dump as soon as possible.

"HEY!!"

_wait what_

The dummy from before, the one with beaten up red rimmed spectacles and a ID yelled as he flew in front of the door out of here.

"I know you're too scared to fight me, but not even acknowledging me?! What?! I am a ghost living inside a dummy!! My apprentice in showbiz used to live inside a dummy too! That is until...YOU CAME ALONG!!"

This is really annoying...

"When you talked to them, they thought they'll have a nice conversation, but the things you said!! Horrible!! Shocking! UNBELIEVABLE!! It spooked them right out of their dummy!! HUMAN! I'll spook YOUR SOUL out of your body!!"

"I don't want to fight you, just let me go?!" Yuri shouted midway, more confused than angry. The world became monochrome! He can't believe he's fighting this dummy!

"I REFUSE TO LISTEN!! COWARD!!" For a dummy with negative defense, he speaks all high and mighty! Well, he is impervious to attacks so...

"No Drama! Futile!! FUTILE!!" The dummy, Josef as was angrily scribbled on the ID shrieked as he used his dummy bullets to send cotton balls at him. Yuri dodged, accidentally causing them to hit the dummy.

"OWWW! You DUMMIES! Watch where you're aiming the magic!!"

Magic, huh? Yuri smirked. If the thing won't accept his offer of mercy, he'll just have to attack him with his own jabs!

"....HEY! YOU! Forget I said anything about magic!"

Too late. Yuri knows exactly what to do.

"I KNOW that smirk!! I've seen it on Chris EVERY DAMN DAY! You're not going to listen, are you?! NEVERMIND!! I'll be the one smirking when I have your SOUL!"

* * *

 Whew! Otabek saved him back there, otherwise Josef would never have let him go!

"...sorry for interrupting. your friend, and my coach, and you seemed to be having a lot of fun there." Otabek said in his emotionless tone. Yuri grinned.

"Dude! It's no matter, thanks for saving me!"

"...'saving'? i have to talk to coach about etiquette. i'll be going home now...feel free to come with me if you want. it's up there..." 

Otabek phased upwards into his door. Yuri followed, minus the phasing part.

"...it's not much, but make yourself at home."

Yuri looked at the room, it's dilapidated, but it's a great **haunt** otherwise.... He's been spending too much time with Phichit, hasn't he?

"...want to join me on the ground and feel like garbage? it's a family tradition."

Sure?

 

And this is how they merged with the cosmos.


	10. Kid!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was scary to think what Yuuri can remind him of, authority figures never were an apple of his eye.

Yuri bid goodbye to Otabek and, well, continued to search for a significantly Yuuri-proof place. The spooky tunes seemed to continue playing as a response. Typical Beka.

There wasn't anything truly noteworthy about the lands stretching in front of him, sans the fact that Minako seemed to have shifted shops.

_"huh? I thought your shop was a few rooms back!"_

_Minako harrumphed._

_"It was, until that Jerry dude decided to talk shi- I mean bad stuff about my stall, so I had to search for fresh ground! That sucks so bad!"_

She also mentioned something about a "Temmie village", but Yuri didn't really encounter any village, just an individual Temmie, and that vibrating thing wanted to pet the hell out of him. He concedes, until he realised they hurt as much as bullets. Needless to say, he fled the battle. Some enemies simply can't be bested.

* * *

 'Now where the hell am I??' The water flowed from some unknown distributary, stagnating here. There was no tense aura around this place, unlike the other rooms, but Yuri had his guard up. Just in case. This reminded of the times he used to live at the orphanage after child services got a hold of him. It was scary to think what Yuuri can remind him of, authority figures never were an apple of his eye. 

There was a single echo flower planted at the end of the room. He tapped it.

**"Behind you"**

The armour clad warrior greeted his eyes when Yuri looked behind him. The sound of rushing water seemed to fade away. The silence was stifling.

"....Seven"

_Seven what? Seconds before he's biting the damp dust?_

"Seven human souls. With their power, our King...King Yakov, will become a God, then, he can finally shatter the Barrier. He will finally take the surface back from Humanity. Understand, Human? Give up your soul, or I'll tear it from you."

As if all the deities had turned their backs to him, Yuuri conjured his glowing blue spear right there, running towards him, as if to impale him, and his soul Yuuri oh so desired, on its cracked tip. He closed his eyes reflexively-

"YUURI-SENPAI!! I'll help you fight!!"

The monster kid! He arrived at the right time and place as Yuuri stopped, spear inches away from the kid's red bangs. Thank fuck...he's buying him whatever Yuuri themed merch he wants when he gets out of this pickle as a token of appreciation for sure!

The kid just seemed to begin to grasp the situation he blindly barged into, silently turning toward Yuri's crouched visage and exclaiming,

"YO!! You did it!! You met Yuuri! You got front row seats to him beating up bad guys!"

Silence.

"....wait, who's he fighting??"

Yuuri grabbed the kid by the cheek and dragged him away.

"H-hey!!! Don't tell this to my parents, please!!" his yells died away as the distance between them grew.

Seeing an opportunity, Yuri ran back, choosing an illuminated path northward (is it really northward? He didn't have a compass on him...) leading to a bridge.

"Yoooo!"

The kid from before called out as he ran toward Yuri. Did he really escape that fast? Taking a few gulps of air, he looked him in the eye.

"I know I'm not supposed to be here, but I wanna ask you something."

Yuri blinked, "Shoot."

He fidgeted, "Man, I didn't have to 'shoot' you, I just wanted to ask a question...uhm...Yo, you're human right?" the kid laughed nervously.

"Uh...yes..."

"I knew it! Or....I know that now...um....Yuuri told me to stay away from 'the human', and I asked who, and apparently it was you! Haha...so like...um, that makes us enemies, I guess?? I kinda stink at that though..."

The kid fidgeted more, man, it's getting tiring to refer to him as "Kid".

"Yo...say something mean to me, so that I can hate you, please?"

Yuri is very good at being mean, so he shrugged, "Sure, but what's your name? Gotta make it personal."

"Man! I told you already, or did I?? My name is Minami! Future assistant of Yuuri!"

"Alright, Minami, you're...a piece of shit!" Minami stepped back.

"Huh...? Yo, that's your idea of saying something mean? My brother calls me that all the time! Guess I have to do it...haha..." What?! That was his best insult yet! The gall...!

"Yo....I uh...I hate your guts...?...M-man, I'm a turd at this! I'm....gonna go home now." Minami stammered as he turned to run away, tripping on a lose piece of the bridge and- he's hanging on with his clothes, thank fuck again!!

"YO!! W-w-wait! _HELP_!! I tripped!!!"

Yuri made to help him, but- Yuuri had arrived there!! Of all the bad timings-!!

"What are you standing there for?! Help me yo!!"

He had to help Minami, but Yuuri was right there!

"I-I'm slipping!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minami did reveal his name back when Yuuri first caught sight of Yurio; he just forgot


	11. The Main component of a Sushi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So it was something about the stars which work as anchors, right? RIGHT??

"AAAAAH!!"

Minami lost foot as he fell off the bridge. Seemingly without a thought to consider, Yuuri jumped downwards. Yuri looked on in panic, as if to really judge if the both of them were okay! Wait! Yuuri is his enemy right??

"Y-Yuuri-senpai.......saved me...?" He couldn't hear much from all the way up, but it seemed like Minami was safe. Yuri strangely breathed a sigh of relief, the kid really grew on him fast, huh.

Well, he's gotta get a move on. Yuuri is right down there, god knows how long it'd take for him to get back up, so he should get a headstart!

* * *

_You've gotta be kidding me._

When he said 'headstart', he didn't mean running into Yuuri who was, by the way, standing on top of the mountain. The back of his armour glistened, and Yuri will be damned if he calls his enemy cool, but he can say it in his head all he wants. Hell, this guy is really determined!

"Seven. Seven human SOULs, and King Yakov will become a God. We've collected six thus far. Understand? Through your seventh and final SOUL, this world will be set free."

Sure, he's all up for setting monsters free, but him dying in the process? He wasn't suicidal to consider this a blessing so no, thanks.

"First, however, as is customary for those who make it thus far, I shall tell you the tragic tale of our people. It all started long ago....."

Scratch the 'cool' bit off Yuri's internal opinion about Yuuri, this is going to get boring. Also, the fact that they have similar names makes things very, very confusing. Should he call Yuuri 'pig'? No, he wants to survive.

"....no, you know what?"

What-

" _SCREW IT_!! WHY THE _HELL_ SHOULD I TELL THAT STORY TO A DEAD MAN? NGAHHH!!!" Yuuri bellowed as he ripped his helmet off. His long hair, wait, he thought it was part of the helmet, blew in the wind. It looked like a shot out of an anime.

"YOU!! You're standing in the way of everyone's hopes and dreams! Viktor's  books made me think humans were cool, with all those huge swords, giant robots and swordsmen. BUT YOU?! You're a puny coward with a wimpy goody-two-shoes schtick!! OOOOH! I'm making such a difference by hugging strangers! You know what would be more valuable?! IF YOU WERE DEAD!!"

_HOLY SHIT!_ Add " **super** A.W.E.S.O.M.E" to his internal opinion about Yuuri! It abbreviates to something incredibly dumb, but fuck it!

"Right now I can feel everyone's hearts pounding as one! We've all been waiting for this, but don't think we're nervous! Now Human!! Let's end this here right now! I'll show you how DETERMINED monsters can be!!  Step forward when you're ready!" Yuuri grinned a huge, toothy grin. The wind is blowing.

One of those stars Yuri has been seeing all over the Underground burst into place. Yuri touched them out of habit. He felt like he was filled with determination. 

"That's it then...! No more running away!! HERE I COME!!" Yuuri charged towards him, spear pulling out his SOUL from his chest. Ouch, that's not very pleasant-

"En Garde!" Yuuri yelled as he swiped his spear at the red heart, wait, he's attacking first?!

Wait no, his SOUL was green now. Yuri quickly chose mercy, the words of the first? third? Froggit echoing in his head. 

"As long as you are Green, you **can't escape,** unless you learn to face danger **head on...** You won't be standing with that defiant smile!!" Yuuri threw spears at him, prompting Yuri to move...but he was rooted at the spot?! The spears reached their mark and Yuri winced.

"When I said 'face danger', I meant face towards the bullets, darn it!"

Ohhhhh, that's the trick! Yuri didn't even notice the spear guarding the front!

"Not bad, then how about this?!" Yuuri sneered as he aimed spears from multiple directions, this is easy too! Yuri used his turn to eat a cinnamon bun.

"For years, we've dreamt of a happy ending to our story...and sunlight is just within our reach!"

So...does he just keep sparing? Because his health is going down really fast...

"GAH! Enough warming up!"

Wait, _this_ was the warmup? Wait-

The last of his health dwindled as he fell to the ground, his soul shattered. Everything's black...

i t c a n n o t e n d n o w - !

* * *

Wait, what the fuck?! He was supposed to be fucking dead, right??!! 

And yet, there he was, right before the battle started. The star, he was standing in its place, what is going on?!

He took the reincarnation thing very well, uncharacteristically. The voice in his head was telling him to continue, that this was a blessing. So it was something about the stars which work as anchors, right? RIGHT?

"That's it then...! No more running away!! HERE I COME!!" Yuuri yelled, again, harged towards him, spear pulling out his SOUL from his chest. Ouch, that's still not very pleasant.

"En Garde! As long as you are Green, you **can't escape** , unless you learn to face danger head on...You won't be standing with that defiant smile!!"

Hold on, ' _can't escape'?_

_Yuri might have a plan._

* * *

_"You've escaped from me for the last time!!"_

_"NGAAH!! Just die, you little brat!!"_

_"Don't you dare run away from me now!!"_

_"STOP RUNNING AWAY!!!"_

All was for naught as he saw Yuuri, the fish, whose element was water, being bested by something unbeatable.

Heat.

"Armour....so....hot...But...I....can't...." Yuuri collapsed on the bridge overlooking a lava pool, he wouldn't last long there...?

Fortunately, there was a water cooler right there! Yuri poured the cup on Yuuri's face, causing him to wake up. He got up, expression inscrutable, and walked away.

Did Yurio win this round? Please say yes.


	12. Getting Along Like a House On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ tries to make Yuri and Yuuri friends, to some avail.

 "OHO! THERE YOU ARE!"

JJ had called him up in the middle of the chase, asking if he wanted to hang out with Yuuri, Yuri felt like saying no, but he was in the middle of something. Like, I don't know, escaping certain death? Thrice he died in Yuuri's hands? 

Which was the reason why he was here...?

"ARE YOU READY WITH A PRESENT TO HANG OUT?? NO??? WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE I HAD A PLAN TO MAKE YOU TWO GREAT FRIENDS! HERE! GIVE HIM THESE!! HE ALWAYS LOVES THESE!"

JJ proceeded to hand him a bone.

"Uh...do fish....like bones?"

"OF COURSE!! I MEAN THE BEST FOR YOU, HUMAN!" He winked, how do skeletons wink?, and knocked on the door...thing. After a moment, the teeth-door slid open, like teeth, of a fish.

Man, do you really have to push the fish aesthetic? Yuri would've complained less if they were cats.

"Hi Jean! Ready for your extra private, one on one training?"

Sounds shady.

"YEAH!! YOU BET! AND I BROUGHT A FRIEND ALONG TOO!"

"Haha! Friends? Nice!! Hi, I don't think we'veee......" Yuuri trailed off as he saw just who it was. His eyes narrowed.

"Why don't. You two. Come on right. In?"

Doesn't seem like the hang out is going to go well at all.

* * *

 

 "HERE! MY FRIEND BROUGHT IT FOR YOU! ON HIS OWN OF COURSE!!"

 "Uhhh.....thanks? I'll just put them with the others." Like Yuri, predicted, Yuuri didn't really like bones. Because he was a fucking fish, of course. And that he had a stash of literally the same type of bone.

_Also, the fact that they have similar names makes things very, very confusing._

 "So...are we ready to start? I thought this was a private session...?"

"WHOOPS! I REMEMBERED!! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!! YOU TWO CONTINUE WITHOUT ME!!"  and then JJ jumped out of the window what the shit-

"....I can't believe he did that! Normally he NAILS the landing!!"

So he does this all the time?? These people are DEFINITELY insane.

"So...why are you here? To rub your victory in my face? To humiliate me?!"

"No?"

"Then WHY are you here?!...wait, I know. You think I'm going to be friends with you, huh?"

He didn't really mind, Yuuri was cool, if a bit on the edge all the time. And he had a weird crush on him already. "uh...yeah"

"' _REALLY_?? How delightful!! I accept!! Let's all frolic in the field of Friendship'...is what you expect me to say right?? WRONG! Why would I ever be friends with the likes of you?! If my parents didn't call it rude, I'd beat you up, even if you were my guest! Now get out of my house!" Yuuri angrily brandished his hand toward the door, gills flaring. 

"DAMN! WHAT A SHAME! I THOUGHT YUURI WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOU! BUT I GUESS HE'S JUST NOT ABLE ENOUGH FOR THE CHALLENGE!" JJ called out fom the window he jumped out of, startling the occupants of the house. It seems like he was eavesdropping all this time.

"Challenge?! Hey! JJ get back here!!" But nobody answered. He was already gone.

"Shit! He thinks I can't be friends with you, right? I can make friends with you any day!! Listen up Human!-"

"Yuri."

"WHAT is it?"

"My name's Yuri."

"....well, that is a shitload of confusing crap right there. You know what, your name is Yurio from now on, kid."

What.

"Whatwhatwhat- _who_ gave you the right to change my name?!" The newly christened Yurio sputtered.

"I DID!! NOW SHUT UP AND STOP INTERRUPTING!"

Yurio shut up. Hell, even the mysterious baritone narrating the battle sequences preferred this horrendous amalgamation of a name....!

"Listen up, Yurio, we're not just going to be friends...we're going to be _Besties_ , okay?! I'll make you like me so much, you won't be able to think of anything else!!"

That sounds incredibly creepy, no thanks, weirdly handsome and infuriating fish monster warrior dude who mangled up his name.

"..er...why don't you have a seat...?"


	13. Don't think you became Gordon Ramsey after heating one cup of instant noodles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My house is on fire, your car is on fire, my hair is on fire.

"So...what's the deal with the table set?" 

 

"Minako gifted me this when I turned old enough to inhale three bowls of katsudon in a row! It's not the healthiest meal, but it's so good!! Not to mention, I can always work it off by running to Snowdin and back a couple hundred times!"

"The long sword?" 

"Historically, humans wielded swords up to ten times their size. Seeing that I needed to be on the same footing, Viktor and I made a sword for me! He's the best!!"

That doesn't sound correct at all, but Yurio didn't fancy dying at his hands another time so he didn't contradict. "And the piano?"

"I play it at times, Viktor loves my piano. Once, Viktor had brought along...his friend....?? To my home and that dude straight up draped himself all over my piano right when I was showing Viktor a new composition of mine! He dropped rose petals all over the keys too! That wasn't very nice at all!"

Yuri, deciding that he had heard enough reminiscing from the fish monster, hopped onto his seat. The voice in his hand announced the start of the hangout, in tandem to Yuuri taking stuff out of his drawers and placing them on the cabinets.

"So, uh, I got a few drinks out for you, pick what you want." 

Yurio made to get up from the seat but a splinter of the table flew past his face. The spear barely missed him, but shattered the table.

Oh.

"Hey! You don't need to get up for that!! I m-mean I can always wait on you! Use the spear to point at what you want! Just, don't throw it back at me." Yuuri was really fidgety around him, that's for sure.

Okay then? Yurio would fancy some tea, with jam in it to be honest. Sounds like a heathen's favourite drink, and he was a heathen anyway.

"That, with jam in it?" He really wants some, for some vague reason. The voice in his head said it was the blatlantly correct choice.

Which brings him back to the voice. It always narrated the battle sequences and describes what the items were. He appreciated the help, but it _is_ creepy. He didn't want to end up in the loony bin. Did monsters have one at all?

"What kind of horrible taste do you have to put jam in your tea?" Yuuri exclaimed as he put a dollop of jam into the boiling hot tea. Seems like he's pretty quick with his job.

"Here you go, it's pretty hot, so don't burn yourself." Completely disregarding Yuuri's advice, Yuri sipped the tea, sputtering it out as soon as he sipped it. It was scalding! But other than that, it was pretty good.

"Careful! Pretty good, huh?" Yuuri sat at the other side of the broken table, brushing away some of the dust on his seat.

An amicable silence settled. The tea cooled enough for Yuri to sip at it.

"You know, it's kind of funny that you chose the same kind of tea that Yakov likes; golden flower tea with jam in it. Eugh, jam in tea...You two are a lot similar than I observed, other than the fact that you two have big hearts!"

So, to him they were both huge wimps? Ew.

"I only came in contact with the King because Minako brought me to him. She said that I wanted to train with him to become stronger, and being the fuzzball he is, he accepted! I used to be super shy, but I always did my best! One day I was able to strike him down, and I felt super bad about it, but he was smiling an actual smile at me. I never saw someone so happy getting their ass kicked."

So wait, Yuuri trained under the king of the Underground? That somewhat explains the aggressiveness? Or does it? Yurio felt like asking where he got that eyepatch, mercenaries? From the War?

"War scars? No kid, I wasn't even born back then! I got into a fight with some bad dudes when I was small and got my eye poked out. The doctor healed me right up, but the eye was fuc- I mean gone forever. But hey!! The eyepatch makes me look badass right?!" Yuuri grinned, fiddling with his eyepatch.

More silence.

"Jean must've told you that he wanted to get into the Royal Guard, eh? To be honest, I don't want to let him in. It's not 'cause he isn't tough, hell, his stats are higher than mine! It's just that, he's so nice, even though it takes a while for people to see through his arrogant exterior. Look at you! He was supposed to capture you and yet here you are! I don't want him to lose that quirk of his or get ripped apart in battle, so instead, I give him cooking lessons, to let him go on a better path in life. The Royal Guard needs only the toughest, and I don't want to trap him in something he's not cut out for." Here Yuuri looks strangely...bitter about something. Yurio asked why he looked so contemplative.

"I used to think that being what I used to be was the reason I couldn't get into the royal guard, so I changed up a lot of things about me...growing out my hair, getting myself a battle cry, acting boisterous...it started getting more genuine after I got my cool eyepatch but I had to trade my former personality for this position. It's not something I regret but..."

Here Yuuri decided he said enough and quickly changed topics. Yurio could sense it, even though he was merely a kid. 

"....To get out of here, you'll have to fight the king but, knowing him, he probably doesn't even want to. Talk to him, okay? Maybe he'll listen to you, he always was a pushover- Oh, I'm sorry! I was rambling for so long, do you want some more tea? I'll fetch you some."

When Yuuri isn't pumped on adrenaline, he definitely sounds soft enough, like a cool older brother. Next thing he'll probably admit to cuddling with little bunny plushies. Ew. Cats were still infinitely cooler.

A shattering noise threw him out of his thoughts. Yuuri had dropped the teacup. 

"wait a minute...JJ's cooking lesson, he was supposed to have that right now!! He ran out on me!!" Yuuri exclaimed, realising that he had been successfully duped. Yurio snickered, bringing attention to him.

"YOU! You'll have to take his lesson in behalf of him!" What the hell?!

"I'm not sure if that's how things work-" His protests were of no use, Yuuri's mind was running ten miles ahead of him

"JJ and I became as close as we are, only because of cooking!! I guarantee you, this will bring us closer than ever! We'll show him that I can make friends with anyone with the power of cooking!!" Yep, completely outside the realm of reasoning.

"Get over here! I'll teach ya how to cook spaghetti!" Yuuri carried him by the head toward the stove owing to him being rooted to his seat, and probably breaking a few child handling laws in the process, Yuri muses.

"What about that katsu-thingie?"

"I never really learned how to make Katsudon and so!! Spaghetti!! It!! Is!!" Yuuri punctuated every word with the thunks of him slamming down ingredients on the table top. "Now!! Envision these tomatoes as your greatest enemy!! Pound them to mush with your fists!!"

Getting caught up in Yuuri's enthusiasm, Yurio punched a tomato hard enough to knock it over. Yeah!

"That's the spirit! It's my turn!!" Yuuri smashed the entire lot into the wall, creating a large red stain. Looks like a hard job to clean.

"Er...we'll clean it up and put it in the pot. Next the spaghetti!! The best essence is brought out when it's homemade, but I always use store bought ones since they're cheaper!! Toss them into the pot as hard as you can!!" 

Yurio didn't exactly know how to throw it in as harsh as he could, so he just tossed everything into the pot, including the box, completing the display with tiger like growling. Hope the pagan gods of cooking wouldn't be too mad about the carnage they're causing.

"YEAH!! Now we gotta stir the contents! Stir as hard as you can!" The air smelled like spice and sushi.

Yurio stirred as fast as he could, but being a short kid came with its own sets of downfalls, such as not being able to reach the stove.

"You can't reach the stove? You can always stir like this! Let me do it for you!!" Despite what Yuuri said, impaling the pot with spears was way too far away from what he could achieve.

"Now, turn up the heat!! Let the stove resemble your passion!!" Yuuri cried, waving around a spatula.

Completely caught up in the moment, Yurio failed to realise that the fire was licking at the ceiling of the house. Yet, it wasn't enough!

"Let me do it!" Yuuri snapped off the knob in his enthusiasm to turn up the heat and the stove exploded in their faces.

A few moments later, they were left staring at the flaming house. Looks like only fire lives here now.

"Man...no wonder Jean sucks at cooking..." Yurio thanked whatever stopped him from eating JJ's culinary monstrosity, then noticed that Yuuri's long hair was on fire.

"Your hair's on fire."

"My  _what._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos if you like this fic! It always warms my heart to see even a single kudos


	14. A gay bird arrives!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wordlessly he pointed toward the monitor still recording his movements, demanding an explanation.

Yuri wouldn't admit it, but he felt...torn when he saw the wispy remains of the long hair Yuuri had possessed. It was kinda funny, seeing that he thought it was part of his helmet and everything, and now it's ashes. It felt awkward indeed.

"Well, I guess I'll have to get a proper haircut to smooth out the mess now. Thanks for dousing the flames, kid!" Yuuri was surprisingly cool with losing his house _and_ most of his hair.

"Think I'll camp at Jean's till I figure my shit out. This was fun! We should hang out more!" Yuuri shrieked over his back as he ran to Snowdin. Wow, this was a wild ride indeed.

He called JJ

"HELLO! THIS IS JJ!! YOU SEEM TO BE IN FRONT OF- WHY IS YUURI'S HOUSE ON FIRE? WHAT HAP- YUURI!! HOW DID YOU COME HERE??"

"I ran all the way!"

"WHOA, THAT IS REALLY COOL, WE MUST BOTH PICK OUT A JOGGING PATH FOR MAXIMUM HEALTH BENEFITS!"

They seemed to be preoccupied with their own conversation so Yurio cut the phone there and made his way to the place with the lava pools, Hotland, wasn't it?

* * *

There was a weird lab all the way out here? Oh hell, he feels like he's going to get a great advantage here somehow, that fills him with Determination. The star burst into place and Yurio meticulously touched it. Monsters are getting stronger and stronger and he's caught himself dying a few encounters post Yuuri too.

Dying hurt a lot.

He walked to the entrance of the lab, stepping back in surprise as it slid open in an automated manner. Should he get in?

If the voice in his head really is trustworthy (after all this while, he thinks it is) he would be perfectly fine getting in. So he did.

It was really dark inside the lab, as if the lights were switched off for the especial need for unnecessary suspense.

He should have known that the scientist was one for dramatics.

The only source of light was from a huge screen which was showing a blown up version of .....himself?! Who was recording him?!

A cold draft blew in out of an orifice in the wall- no a door and someone stepped out. Their outline was fuzzy and almost...soft. is this the creepy perv who has been tracking him?? 

The lights were turned on and a gasp tore through the heavy silence.

It was a silvery birdlike dinosaur monster in a labcoat and turtleneck sweater. And it seemed like he just noticed him.

"Wow! You entered my lab right when I had let down my guard! I do think this is the perfect moment for my introduction into your saga! Hello Yurio, my name is Viktor" The monster (wow, he expected him to be a shrinking violet type, not  _th_ at) let out a radiant heart shaped smile. 

Wordlessly he pointed toward the monitor still recording his movements, demanding an explanation.

"Ah yes. I had installed cameras everywhere for maximum surveilance which also means I have nothing to do except people watch, which is when I spotted you! I was meant to stop you, but the sheer unpredictability in which you befriended everyone so far made me decide that I could help you! Aren't you lucky?" Here he beamed again. Yurio was quickly tiring of the tripe he was spouting. As if he needed help from the likes of him! But then,a little forewarning will help...

"What kind of enemies will I face here?"

Viktor blinked. "Fire type monsters like Vulkins, Pyropes, puzzles, vents, partially functional elevators, and a robot I created which is thirsty for human blood...? Of course I immediately tried to remove those features once I was made known of your existence, but I accidentally amplified the features so uh...yeah! At least that made it unpredictable!!"

Yurio sighed. Not only was this horrible nickname being passed around like candy, he had a new set of problems to worry about. Greaaaat.

Suddenly, the whole floor shook.

"Did you hear that?" Viktor exclaimed. He seemed to ruffle up his feathers.

Another clang. It was like a pulsating earthquake.

"Yeah, of course! DUH!"

Yet _another_ violent shake. Metallic sparks seemed to serve as background noise.

"Wait, oh no."

The side wall cracked and seemed to fall apart. A huge, red, calculator-like robot with hands and a wheel rolled out. It was holding a mic.

" _OH YESSSS_! Welcome, Beauties and Gentle Beauties, to my quiz show!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Viktor! I have a feeling I'll greatly enjoy writing the Hotland arc


	15. Vkusnoforov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But, there is no one waiting for him on the other side, so why is he doing this? What is the point? So far, he's sure that he needed to get out of here, but for what at all?

"Everyone give a HUGE round of applause for our wonderful contestant!"

Last time Yurio checked, there weren't any stage lights inside the lab. Also, who the heck bursts into a building to host an improptou quiz show?

Apparently Chris, name helpfully supplied by Viktor.

"Never played before, darlin'?" Chris tossed a spare mic at Yurio, who caught it deftly. He shook his head in the negative.

"Don't fret! The rules are simple! Answer correctly....

"...or you _DIE_!!"

The world turned a familiar monochrome and Yurio's soul presently rested on a....screen? When Viktor claimed his creation was a homicidal robot, he certainly didn't mention that said robot was in the showbiz!

"Now now, first question! What are the rules for answering correctly?"

The options were displayed on the screen. Yurio felt like "Mercy" was a good answer but he snuck a glance at Viktor over to the side, who made a "D" with his hands, which was "more questions". With reluctance, Yurio slid his soul to option D. 

"Yep! You get it! Moving on, here's your reward! What's the king's full name?"

Viktor made a "C", Yakov Feltsman huh? Yurio slid his soul there. Seems like that was the gist! All he had to do was to look at Viktor and he'll give him the correct answer!

And so it went. Most of the questions, he couldn't hope to answer had it not been for Viktor...except the ghost one. He had just stared at him judgementally all the while he was chosing.

"You've been doing so well so far darling! Here's the next! In the dating simulation game 'Mew Mew Kissy Cute', what is Mew Mew's favourite food~?" Before the options even displayed, Viktor had begun excitedly screeching.

"I know, I know! It's snail icecream! Mew Mew takes everyone to the beach in the fourth chapter!! There she buys icecream for them but she's the only one who eats them cause it's snail icecream!!! I like this part of the game because it's a pretty deep metaphor....about........friendship....oops?"

Silence. Yurio facepalmed.

"Viktoruuuu~ you haven't been helping our contestant have you? We'll see how they answer this next question, which only you know!" Viktor seemed to be glaring daggers at Chris and shaking his head to whatever he planned.

"Who does Dr. Viktor have a crush on?" The options were all equally confusing....but, if he relied on his gut instinct and the frequency in which Yuuri talked about Viktor....he chose the option titled "Yuuri".

The feathery monster seemed to be sweating bullets at that. If Chris had a functional mouth, he would be grinning a Cheshire grin.

"See Viktor? I did tell you it was obvious enough even for the human to pick up on!! Yes, he scrawls his name all over the margins of his notes. He names programming variables after him. He has even written shippy stories about them! Possibility of crush? 101 percent! Margin of error, 1 percent." 

That still bloody well makes it hundred percent doesn't it? Chris sighed dramatically.

"Well, my dear contestant, with the doctor helping you, there is no suspense or drama, but do no fret, wonderful viewers! This is only the pilot episode!! More drama awaits you in the next episode! Until then, toodles!" Chris suavely rolled away out of the lab. The lights returned back to normal.

"Er...well, that was surely something! Atleast you got to meet Chris!" Viktor shrugged. Yurio examined the hole in the wall. The space behind it was, wait, it's so small! Did the robot camp here or what?

Anyway, Yurio needed to get a move on. He doesn't even know how many days have gone by on the surface by now! 

But, there is no one waiting for him on the other side, so why is he doing this? What is the point? So far, he's sure that he needed to get out of here, but for what at all?

He'll have to think about this later. Maybe when he's facing the king. At present he made to leave, but was stopped by Viktor.

"Wait a minute! We need to exchange contacts so that I can call you about the dangers that you might face! Consider me your fairy- whoa, this phone is _ancient_! There's not even a texting feature, wait here, Yurio!"

"My name is Yuri. Someone, for the love of god get it right for once."  Yurio murmured to himself as Viktor ran off with his phone to add some much needed 'upgrades'. It took at least ten minutes before Viktor returned, handing him a much shinier phone.

"Here, I got your number and added the dimensional box service. I figured you'll need that. How did you walk around with such an old phone? Anyway, off you go, I'll notify you where needed!" Viktor beamed, _again._ He was one persistent smiler. And talker.

Yurio stepped out of the other side of the lab, slightly dazed. He hadn't taken ten steps when his phone pinged loud enough to nearly startle him over the edge of the hovering path. Fishing out the offending device, he laid eyes on the notification taking up the entire screen.

' _ **Vkusnoforov updated their status!:** lol just realised I haven't seen Yuuri fight the human'_

Yurio blinked. Before he could question what this was, another notification popped up.

 

_' **Vkusnoforov updated their status!:** oh well, I'll ask him to describe the battle to me! ^♡ ^ #friendswithbenefits'_

_' **Vkusnoforov updated their status!:** wait i didn't mean the friends with benefits thing likE THAT HHHAHAHA'_

 

What


	16. Frenzy of Heated Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His phone rang almost immediately, as if it was scripted.

The status updates stopped? Good! Now he can finally focus all his unwavering attention upon the conveyer belt in front of him! Throwing all caution to the wind, Yurio ran along on the moving belt, blindly running into something, someone?

It's a anthropomorphic volcano. And he's apparently in a battle with it.

At a loss, he assumed it was a "Vulkin" like Viktor said. He had sent a checklist of monsters through chat messages explaining just what he had to do to spare them, so that he didn't have to beat them to near death to move forward. Talk about helpful, the dude may be an annoying douche, but he does his job.

Soon he was on his way, slightly scorched but 40 G richer (holy shit! The closer he gets to the capital, the richer he gets by the money drops!), happy to finally get a move on. 

_The wooshing sound of steam and cogs fills him with determination._

* * *

There were lasers, blue and orange ones, right in front of him. What was he supposed to do?! There was no mention of lasers in the list Viktor sent him! 

He stood there for a while, considering his options. He could just make a run for it, in the hopes that he doesn't get zapped by the lasers, or he could turn around and try to find another way. He didn't explore one route in the last room anyway.

Just as he turned, having made his decision, the phone rang. 

"Wow! I forgot to mention the lasers, how forgetful of me! I can't seem to remember how I lost the pile of dog food JJ left here either..."

Yurio could hear the sounds of someone rummaging through trash.

"Oh, right. It's Viktor! I see you're stuck at the magma chamber, eh? Anyway! The blue lasers won't hurt you if you don't move! Just like a blue stop signal. The orange ones, though, you need to move through them! I'll call you if you need something! Bye!"

Click. Right, they're like orange and blue attacks, got it.

His phone pinged again, what now?!

' _ **Vkusnoforov updated their status!:**_ _omg  I called the human! Claws haven't shook since the time Yuuri called me about the weather!_ '

He made it sound like Yurio was a freaking dinosaur. Oh wait, Viktor is one himself. Another ping.

' _ **Assthethicc commented on Vkusnoforov's status update!:** i thought you were supposed to be a suave guy vik, as my inventor and all :^)'_

' _ **Vkusnoforov replied to Assthethicc!:** you make it sound like I'm your clone. Not everyone is about asses :/'_

' _ **PhichitPunALot replied to Vkusnoforov!:** funny i thought u were all abt yuuri's ass lol also there is no weather down here did u realise'_

_' **Vkusnoforov replied to PhichitPunALot!:** wait omg how did I forGET'_

Shaking himself out of the conversation he was spying on, Yurio ran through the lasers, almost forgeting the blue ones. At the end there was a switch? Yurio pressed it and all the lasers deactivated. If only this was on the other side, so much for proper layout!

* * *

Yurio did a small victory dance, solving that puzzle was kinda hard! Viktor was extremely tight lipped about it too, saying that giving away the solution took away the fun from the act of solving a puzzle. Hence, he was stuck with them for around half an hour.

Yurio figured that Viktor might tire of watching him idle his time away and give the freaking solution but there was no peep from the scientist. He seemed to be busy elsewhere.

Anyway! He could hear the door opening! Time! To! Go!

The phone rang. If this is Viktor, Yurio swore to god-

"Hey! The puzzles to the left and right are a bit hard for the likes of you, so I'm here to the rescue-"

"I solved them, old man."

"What? You already solved them! That's great, I guess. And I'm not an old man! These feathers are platinum! Okay?!" Click...

* * *

 Yurio walked, or rather flew (those vents were awesome!) into a dark room. His phone rang almost immediately, as if it was scripted.

"It's kind of dark here, isn't it?" Yurio nodded, Viktor was right. It was pretty fuckin dark here, obviously.

"Don't worry! I'll hack into the light system and brighten this up, like your future!" He could almost hear the audible wink. 

The lights came back on. He was in...

"Oh no."

"OHHH YES! Welcome, beauties to the Underground's premier cooking show!!" 


	17. Hell's Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human Substitute is not supposed to be sparkly.

 

The last thing he predicted would happen in the room was a cooking show, and of course fate has to bite him in the ass, because he was on a set for a cooking show! And it seems like Chris is the host, of course he is.

The display read in flowery cursive: ' _cooking with a killer robot_ '. Cooking? If it's a cooking contest Yurio will lose, he never learnt to make a proper piroshki.

"Preheat all your sexy ovens, we've got a super special recipe for you today! 'What is it?' You ask. It is...cake! Our lovely assistant, the human, will gather the ingredients for us! The cake we're making needs **eggs** ,  **milk** and **sugar**! Can you fetch them, sweetie?"

Cake! It's bearable (not as good as Piroshkis) and Yurio supposes the ingredients are super easy to find. He deposited the ingredients on the counter, potentially cracking a few eggs but who gives a shit? Chris seemed to beam, it wasn't really clear because he didn't have eyes, nose or a mouth to emote with. What an expressively inexpressive robot!

"Good job! We've got the ingredients! **Milk** , **sugar** , **eggs**.....oh my! Looks like we forgot the most important ingredient!" Here Chris held up a- what the hell?! It's a chainsaw!

" **A human soul!! "**

Stop advancing with that chainsaw!! As Yurio closed his eyes in face of certain death, he heard a phone ringing. Checking his pockets, eyes still closed, he found it wasn't his phone either. Then it must be...

Chris sighed and turned a dial on his body. "Um hello?? I'm in the middle of something here."

"Wait a second!" Viktor's voice frantically yelled. It was kind of surreal hearing someone else's voice through the body of Chris.

"Couldn't you use a substitution? You are brilliant of course, being made by me, but please consider what monsters could and couldn't consume!" Chris seemed to raise a non-existent eyebrow in response.

"What do you mean? Use a different, non-human ingredient? Why must our magnificent audience need an alteration in the perfect recipe?"

"What if someone's.....uh....vegan?" 

"Isn't the cake containing eggs? How is it vegan at all?" Yurio asked. He was honestly questioning Viktor's choice of words.

"Monsters down here don't have actual non vegetarian ingredients to consume. We make do with genetically engineered magic food that  _tastes like_ meat or eggs. This is due to lack of poultry and other meat based life down here. So yes, everything about our food is vegan. So can you use a substitute for a human soul?"  _Ohhhhh. That makes sense._   _I guess?_

"Thank you for the Wonderful Explanation Viktor! And yes!! For those beauties wondering, I do have a perfect substitute for this! 'CRS-BRAND-ALWAYS-CONVENIENT-HUMAN-SOUL-FLAVOUR-SUBSTITUTE', a can of which is just on that counter! Can you fetch it for me, darling?"

Here he pointed to a near unnoticed, yet sparkling can of....something. The substitute seemed legit for the most part. Yurio ran over to it, tripping on a button and landing on the counter. It seemed to rumble and- oh my. 

The set grew smaller and smaller as the counter grew in length. 

"By the way, our show runs on strict- wait? Where did the human go?" Chris looked around, entirely confused by the circumstances.

This wasn't how the show was supposed to progress! First, the human was supposed to step on the button, making the counter extend toward the roof of the cavern. Then Viktor was supposed to hand over the jet pack to the kid, acting like his savior. Then the kid will fly up and collect the substitute and Chris will act like he was defeated. But where did the kid go? It's highly unlikely that the kid ran off, because there was forcefields everywhere, and there was nowhere to hide on set...

"Up here!!" Yurio screamed from where he was, hanging on for dear life. It's a long drop down and he wasn't risking it!

"Oh!!! This is an interesting plot twist!! The human has ran through the problem! This is most likely because of doctor Viktor's forewarning!" How else was he supposed to justify this? "It seems you've bested me, human! Well, toodles!" Poor guy, he's stuck up there. It's not like Chris could help him, he had to keep up the villainous image, as much as he loathed it.

* * *

Viktor called in.

"Whoa! You bypassed the problem, without a bit of help from me! I see you are worth the time after all!"

"It's all fine and dandy but get me down!!" Yurio gritted his teeth, he nearly slipped down thrice already!

"Alright, alright! You see that huge button, labelled 'JETPACK'? Press it! It's a new feature i had thought of implementing in case of an emergency. The jetpack should have more than enough fuel to get you down!-"

Yurio closed the call, eager to get down. A mini jetpack sprung out as soon as he pressed the button, latching onto him and carrying him, and the substitute, down. Breathing a sigh of relief, Yurio sat on the tiled ground.

_How did Viktor have the foresight to pack this feature in? Was it planned?_

_Yurio hoped not_


	18. An extremely unnecessary ordeal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be honest with your feelings.

There was a looming mechanical hunk in the distance. One could hear metallic creaks and clangs from within, despite being so far at it. Yurio was filled with determination, and a star burst into place. Viktor called.

"You see that structure in the distance? That's the CORE-"

"How did you know I might need a Jetpack?" The question was nagging at him for far too long now. 

"...a lot of foresight? I created Chris, he'd definitely include a flying segment in one of his challenges. What did you think, that this was all a big game?"

Yurio is still not buying into it, but eh, seems legit for now.

"Now! In the CORE, there is an elevator directly to Yakov's castle! From there, you can go home. That's where we're going. Keep going upwards till you reach CRS Resort! Well, bye~!"

Well, that was that. Yurio marched on.

 

* * *

 ' _Vkusnoforov posted a picture!_ : On a fabulous dinner with my girfriend'

Yurio stared at the screen. It was a picture of a catgirl figurine next to a bowl of instant ramen. The ramen was covered in...sprinkles? What is with monsters and horrible tastes in food?

' _CoolSkeletal97 posted a picture!_ : ARE WE POSTING COOL "PICS"?? HERE IS A PICTURE OF ME AND MY COOLFRIENDS.'

It's....a picture of an extremely buff JJ flexing. He's wearing sunglasses. His biceps...are also wearing sunglasses?? What a...

' _Vkusnoforov commented on CoolSkeletal97's picture!:_ lmao dude!...that's a joke right?'

' _CoolSkeletal97 replied to Vkusnoforov!:_ ARE YOU CALLING MY MUSCLES A JOKE??'

Yurio turned at a corner, coming across a stained apron. At the same time, there was another ping. 

' _OtabekAltin sent you a friend request!_ : ACCEPT or REJECT?'

Yurio tapped at 'ACCEPT'. He didn't know Otabek was even on the internet..er, Undernet. Whatever! He really needed to get a move on, not wasting his time on electronic shenanigans.

* * *

He just reached a dead end when someone called out for him.

"Hey! You stop right there!" Yurio sighed. What now?!

The sight of the guards from nearby old man's- Viktor's lab running towards him made him swear slightly. Are they here to capture him? He made sure to sneak past them back there!

"We've received, like, an anonymous tip from someone that a human wearing a striped shirt and animal print jacket will pass by! I know that sounds scary, doesn't it? Worry not, bucko! We'll get you someplace safe!" The guard with rabbit ears said. What luck! These idiots didn't even suspect him! But who told them that he was passing through in the first place...?

The guard with cat ears whispered something to the rabbit dude. He started.

"...huh? What do you mean, 'I think they're the human', bro?" There was more whispering.

"The shirt they're wearin'?....Bummer, this is like, super embarassing. We actually have to like, kill you, buddy..."

The world turned monochrome. They're engaging?! Damn, and he thought he could get away.

What was he supposed to do?! Spare? He spared. Nothing happened.

The weapon bullets hit him. He winced. He could already feel his blood pooling on the floor. Darnit!

Just then, the voice in his head whispered something about the cooling dirt on the cat dude's armour. It told him to wipe it off. Yurio did just that. The guard began to sweat.

"....armour,..so hot!....can't...take it....any longer!" He threw off his chest plate, revealing a heavily muscled, furry visage. The bunny dude was bothered by something. His attacks began to go off mark. Now what?

'TELL HIM TO BE HONEST WITH HIS FEELINGS' The voice whispered. What...?

'......' The voice failed to elaborate. Yurio shrugged. Might as well do that.

"Hey dude...a friend told me to tell you to be honest with your feelings, whatever it means." He told the guard. He began to sweat even more.

After a few turns of dodging, the rabbit seemed to break.

"B-b-bro! I can't take this any longer! Not like this! Mickey! I like, _like_ you, man! The way you wield your weapon! The way you stop everyone from hitting on your sis! Everything is just so! Admirable! I love doing team attacks with you, bro! I...like, want to stay like this forever..." Is he seriously seeing a love confesion happen before his very eyes? What has his life come to?

"...." The cat, Mickey, was silent. Is he going to witness a rejection too?!

"I-I mean. Psyche!! I gotcha real nice there, bro!" 

"...Emil, you do want to get some ice cream after this is over?"

"S-Sure dude! Haha!"

The guards didn't seem to want to fight him any longer. Yurio sighed in relief, as the world faded back to normal. The guards walked away, talking happily,

Now! Time to get a move on!


	19. Interlude: Darkness seeps in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A door appears in Waterfall. Whatever could it mean?

It was a good day so far, atleast according to Phichit. The kid has supposedly reached Hotland (according to JJ's reports, or what he could make of it), and he found where his stash of candies went.  Yuuri decided he had some matters to attend to in Waterfall and ran off, asking JJ to send a message to him in case the kid called. He leaned back in his seat and opened undernet, what was- 

Suddenly his phone rang, startling him. Yuuri? Hadn't he gone five minutes before? Was there a problem?

"sup, yuu?" 

"Phi! Thank fuck you picked up! I found something strange here, and I need someone to back me up!"

Phichit sat straighter up in his seat. An anamoly? This world hadn't gone through that many resets in a while to cause such a rupture in the space time continuum,  in fact, just one under the human's control. He thought the kid wasn't aware of his power, he had actually hoped for it, no one deserved that burden of knowledge. Is there something he hadn't factored in....?

"where are you? what is the thing?"

"Uh....I'm in the hallway before Minako sensei's shop I think? Yeah, that's where I am and there's this strange grey door here. I have never seen it before and I know this place like the back of my hand!"

"so the one after the falling stone waterfall? that was where minako's shop was, right?"

"No no! Minako moved from there for some reason. I'm at the hallway connecting my house and her new shop!"

Phichit could hear Minako yelling something along the lines of 'goddamn Jerry ruining my business!' through his phone. She probably heard Yuuri talking, or rather, yelling at his phone. 

"i'll be there in a moment, just don't touch the door till i get there."

"But-"

"Don't Touch The Door, yuu. i'm coming right now to see just what it is."

Pocketing his phone, Phichit pictured the location in his mind, and snapped his fingers. 

The phone clattered on the floor of the booth, forgotten.

* * *

 

"this is the door?" Phichit pointed at the offending item. It certainly did emit the aura of something  _out of this world_. Yuuri's eyebrows furrowed in worry 

"Yeah, straight up outta nowhere, spooked me, if I dare admit. Do we open it or...?"

Phichit shrugged. There is nothing he could think of doing. His glory days as a scientist was long gone, and as much as he'd love to disect it to see just what it is, he didn't think Yuuri would appreciate being out of the loop. He just knew him long enough to know not to let him around his lab equipment either.

"i mean, sure. i don't think there's much we could do, other than skewering it on your spear."

"Do you want me to-"

"nope."

Phichit placed his hand on the doorknob and twisted it. As it swung open, he felt like he was making a grave mistake.

 

"Sir?"


End file.
